Much Needed Weekend

This weekend was literally one of the best weekends I’ve had in my entire life, yesterday in particular. Such a simple day but it made a huge impact and it was much needed. Got to enjoy a kid free weekend with a “date day” which we rarely have. So relaxing and I felt like it truly helped us reconnect and brought out the true love that we share for each other after everything that had happened. It had been so long since since I’ve felt that love and I never want to lose that. It was genuinely the perfect day.

Now the kids are back and I’m wishing I had a week straight to just have time for myself. They have been driving me insane haha. Not even a year and a half and my little boy is trying to jump off of chairs, couches, whatever he can find. I can’t sit down for more than a couple seconds before he’s into the next destructive, dangerous activity. Polar opposite of my daughter. It’s taking me way longer to write all this than I should :/

Aaralyn’s pageant is this weekend. Thank goodness for a short week because of that. I’m just not looking forward to driving to Dallas Friday morning and needing to be there at 8:30 just to check in. It’s not really that long of a drive, only like 30 minutes but that’s just too early for anything for me when it doesn’t involve work. It’s going to be a long day.

I’ll probably post sometime next Sunday about the results and how everything went but until then, have a great week everyone!

Advertisements

A Bumpy Road

I cannot even begin to express the hell that I have gone through the past few weeks and I’m just now to a point where I’m somewhat settled and have really comprehended everything that has happened. Colorado fell through for a start and so did getting a rental house after applications were submitted and we were in the process of moving forward. My fiance walked out on us the night before we were suppose to move out of that house because of a fight due to the whole process. I thought that was the end and I had no choice but to find a place quickly. I’m now currently living in a 2 bedroom apartment with the two kids and my mom. Farthest thing from my ideal situation of getting a 4 bedroom house to rent. 3 days later, he wanted to come back and make things work. I agreed and he has since joined us in this apartment. Less than a week later I find out that he had been occasionally cheating on me for the past 6 months with an older woman who has 3 kids. 40 compared to me being 26. Bleh. Like for real? Thank god that wasn’t something that completely killed my self esteem. More of a laughing matter when I really think about it because that was a complete downgrade. Since that day, we have been trying to continue to work things out and my reasoning behind that is beyond words. I can’t even begin to express why I have made that decision because forgiving someone that would ever do that to me is that last possible thing I could ever imagine myself doing. It’s been rough but at the same time I feel like this has helped us be more open with each other and honest it’s just going to take some time to regain the trust. I won’t continue on about it. I feel like I shouldn’t even be sharing something so personal like that but part of me feels like I need to just vent and put these thoughts somewhere other than my mind.

My daughter’s pageant is coming up in literally 2 weeks and I’m not sure whether I should be nervous or excited. I want everything to go well after all the money that I’ve invested in this. It has made me completely broke and there’s still more to be paid on pageant day. I got her dress last week after having to get it altered because it was super long and it looks absolutely perfect now and I can’t wait to see her on stage with it. Just need to figure out what to do with her hair! I’m terrible when it comes to that but I don’t think I’ll have time to get it done between the mandatory rehearsals that day. It’s the little things that stress me out and I’ve seriously got to learn how to relax sometimes lol.

Other than that, my mom has purchased tickets for us to fly out to Disney World the weekend of my daughter’s 6th birthday. We’ll only be able to spend one day there unfortunately before having to fly back home at 6:00AM the next morning but it’s going to be a huge surprise for her. We aren’t planning on telling her until we get there. I’m just hoping that getting on a plane won’t ruin that secret haha. This will be her first flight as well as her daddy’s who is absolutely panicking by the way whereas I’m having flight withdraws because it’s been 8 years since I’ve last been on one and I’m seriously craving getting on a plane. Is that weird?  This is the first vacation we’ve somewhat ever had as a family. I feel like a weekend trip to Galveston and spending one day in Colorado for a job interview last year doesn’t really count as a vacation. That’s all we’ve done the past 8 years we’ve been together. I know this isn’t much better since it’s still only one day but it’s something and I’m thankful to be able to do this for my daughter.

I think that’s about all that I’ve got going on for the moment. I’m hoping that next week will be better. People have been terrible these past few weeks on top of everything else that has been going on in my life. I’ve had too many breakdowns at work because people have been insanely rude which is mixing with my already sensitive emotions. I just can’t deal with it anymore. I’m beyond frustrated with people right now. I’m not welcoming negativity in my life. I’m past the point of continuing to do that.

Opportunities

In less than a week, the house we’re currently living in is closing and we will have three days afterwards to get out. We have no idea where we’re going at the moment which is an unsettling feeling for me. My fiance has decided again that we need to try and fulfill our dreams of moving out of the state.

Nearly a year ago, he spontaneously did the same thing. He received two interview calls and accepted one of them as a Sous Chef at an Italian restaurant. We both called out of work for 3 days to make the 12.5 hour drive to Denver. We took the little money that we saved up and spent one of those days driving there, the interview the following morning followed by squeezing in as much time as possible to enjoy what we could of the state. A couple hours definitely was not enough. And then the third day driving back home. The following day, he was offered the job making more than twice what he was currently making here in Texas. It was the hardest decision we ever had to make but he had to decline the offer. We came back from that trip completely broke after the gas we spent and the hotel. My credit card was already maxed out prior to the trip and we were struggling badly financially at the time. We didn’t have the means of even getting back up there or to afford a place to stay at. Every single day we regret it and we miss the life that is there.

Yesterday, 15 minutes after he applied to one place that seems to offer amazing opportunities, he received an email back to set up a Skype interview. Monday is the day and I hope and pray this will be what we’ve been waiting for. I’m so anxious between this and the timing of the house selling that I was barely able to sleep last night. I feel like so much is going on right now that I honestly can’t even comprehend it. I’m terrified of the idea of the “unknown.” Moving somewhere other than the next city and leaving my job scare me because of the uncertainty and what ifs. I know this is what we want and have been wanting for years. I’ve never been the type of person to be spontaneous but I desperately do want to be that person. Live life to the fullest and take chances. Fingers crossed that this interview goes well!

Image

National American Miss

18192642_10154315827126021_1432973385092934508_o

Aaralyn received her ribbon and certificate in the mail today for the National American Miss pageant! She will be competing in the pageant to become Miss Texas Princess and if she does win the title, she will get to compete in Nationals in California and she’ll get a day trip to DisneyLand which is something she is highly excited about!

I set up a Gofundme page for her since there is a sponsor fee of $550 to be in the actual pageant. If anyone would like to help, even if it’s $5, anything would be great! If any business chooses to donate, it is tax-deductible. Thank you! 🙂

Proud Moment

A few weeks ago we received a letter in the mail for an open call for National American Miss. Just for the fun of it, we decided we’d take our daughter. Free pictures… Sure! Why not?? It was this past Sunday and we were there for about an hour and a half mainly listening to them talk about the pageant and how it is based off of building confidence. That is huge for me since it is something I honestly lack. Unlike other pageants that strictly base their judging on beauty, this one’s goal is for building strong, confident girls. She had a quick interview towards the end and we were told that we would receive an email to let us know if our child was selected as a finalist to compete for state title.

Today was the day that I’ve eagerly been waiting for to find out the results!

She made it!!!!

When she got home from school today, I told her the news and her face just lit up. She was so incredibly happy. Even though the pageant isn’t until July, we have already picked out her dress and ordered it. She is beyond determined to win because she really wants to go to Disneyland. Lol.

Take a chance?

Has anyone wanted to change their life so much that they literally just packed their family up and just left? I would love to know if anyone has done this!

It’s something my fiance and I have been contemplating a lot lately. We live in Texas and we’ve both been here our whole lives. We hate it, with a passion. We’re so unhappy and stressed with our jobs, the traffic, the people here and even just the weather and scenery of this state. I’m the type of person that always wants to have a plan and doesn’t want to set myself up for failure but for some reason, this seems logical… We have ideas where we want to go and we’re suppose to be moving out of the place we’re in now around June anyway. I know if we made the move, my fiance could have a job the next day. He’s a Sous Chef right now and completely underpaid. All chef positions in the area are underpaid unless he worked in Dallas but the drive is not worth it and I would never want to live in that area.

I guess my main concern is having the money to move in the first place because we literally have nothing saved up. As of last week, I’ve finally come to a point where I can save up money now that I’ve paid off all my credit card debt which I’m thankful for. I’m at a point in my life where I want to take chances and not be afraid of change especially if it is a change that I really want. If we don’t take chances, I feel like we’ll always be stuck living and doing everything we hate. I don’t want to be that person anymore. Am I crazy to want to do this? Part of me feels like I am just because we have two kids and I’m scared of not having security for them in the time that it will take us to transition somewhere else.

Not sure what to do. I just know I want the change so badly. Decisions, decisions…