A Bumpy Road

I cannot even begin to express the hell that I have gone through the past few weeks and I’m just now to a point where I’m somewhat settled and have really comprehended everything that has happened. Colorado fell through for a start and so did getting a rental house after applications were submitted and we were in the process of moving forward. My fiance walked out on us the night before we were suppose to move out of that house because of a fight due to the whole process. I thought that was the end and I had no choice but to find a place quickly. I’m now currently living in a 2 bedroom apartment with the two kids and my mom. Farthest thing from my ideal situation of getting a 4 bedroom house to rent. 3 days later, he wanted to come back and make things work. I agreed and he has since joined us in this apartment. Less than a week later I find out that he had been occasionally cheating on me for the past 6 months with an older woman who has 3 kids. 40 compared to me being 26. Bleh. Like for real? Thank god that wasn’t something that completely killed my self esteem. More of a laughing matter when I really think about it because that was a complete downgrade. Since that day, we have been trying to continue to work things out and my reasoning behind that is beyond words. I can’t even begin to express why I have made that decision because forgiving someone that would ever do that to me is that last possible thing I could ever imagine myself doing. It’s been rough but at the same time I feel like this has helped us be more open with each other and honest it’s just going to take some time to regain the trust. I won’t continue on about it. I feel like I shouldn’t even be sharing something so personal like that but part of me feels like I need to just vent and put these thoughts somewhere other than my mind.

My daughter’s pageant is coming up in literally 2 weeks and I’m not sure whether I should be nervous or excited. I want everything to go well after all the money that I’ve invested in this. It has made me completely broke and there’s still more to be paid on pageant day. I got her dress last week after having to get it altered because it was super long and it looks absolutely perfect now and I can’t wait to see her on stage with it. Just need to figure out what to do with her hair! I’m terrible when it comes to that but I don’t think I’ll have time to get it done between the mandatory rehearsals that day. It’s the little things that stress me out and I’ve seriously got to learn how to relax sometimes lol.

Other than that, my mom has purchased tickets for us to fly out to Disney World the weekend of my daughter’s 6th birthday. We’ll only be able to spend one day there unfortunately before having to fly back home at 6:00AM the next morning but it’s going to be a huge surprise for her. We aren’t planning on telling her until we get there. I’m just hoping that getting on a plane won’t ruin that secret haha. This will be her first flight as well as her daddy’s who is absolutely panicking by the way whereas I’m having flight withdraws because it’s been 8 years since I’ve last been on one and I’m seriously craving getting on a plane. Is that weird?  This is the first vacation we’ve somewhat ever had as a family. I feel like a weekend trip to Galveston and spending one day in Colorado for a job interview last year doesn’t really count as a vacation. That’s all we’ve done the past 8 years we’ve been together. I know this isn’t much better since it’s still only one day but it’s something and I’m thankful to be able to do this for my daughter.

I think that’s about all that I’ve got going on for the moment. I’m hoping that next week will be better. People have been terrible these past few weeks on top of everything else that has been going on in my life. I’ve had too many breakdowns at work because people have been insanely rude which is mixing with my already sensitive emotions. I just can’t deal with it anymore. I’m beyond frustrated with people right now. I’m not welcoming negativity in my life. I’m past the point of continuing to do that.

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