Newest drawing finished! My camera unfortunately doesn’t do any of my colored pencil work justice. Always looks so grainy when in person it’s smooth and blends well.
So I cooked this about a week ago now. I keep forgetting to post but I’m so proud of myself for doing it!! So, I’ve never cooked steak before and this was my first ever attempt. I sauteed mushrooms and onions and stuffed it inside with Gouda after pan searing the steak first. It was cooked absolutely perfectly as well shockingly enough! My fiance is a chef and fortunately for him, cooking comes naturally. But for me, it’s one of the most stressful things. I’m great at multi-tasking but when you add in heat and time to the mix, nope. Can’t do it! I’m a baby when it comes to getting burned. I hate fire like I’m scared to death of it. I can’t even light a lighter unless it’s one of those long ones where the flame isn’t close to my hand. Like I said, I’m a baby about it, don’t laugh 😦
The past few weeks I feel like I have been drained emotionally. I’m losing sleep. Literally, last night my mind was racing so much I’ve been up since 4:30am. Well, technically 3:30 since the time changed last night! I still do not see any point to daylight savings time! Back to what I was saying… I’m stressed and my anxiety of dealing with change has been taking it’s toll on me. For the past two years I’ve worked for an oral surgeon dealing with the most negative environment where nothing that anyone does is ever good enough. We’re beyond short-staffed and they refuse to hire anyone. They’re basically trying to get away with not paying for any additional employees. The office manager who happens to be the doctor’s wife is never there. She’s always vacationing or gone for personal reasons yet we can barely take off an hour or two for a doctor’s appointment. Our vacations have to revolve around his schedule. For instance, we’re only allowed to take off when he’s not going to be in the office which is usually one week in April and one in September or October. The summer and school breaks are especially off limits. My fiance and I have not taken a vacation in the nearly 8 years that we’ve been together. Having the money to has always been the issue but when the time comes that we can, I’d love to be able to take my kids in the summer. I knew that would never happen being there. And to be honest, I am super jealous about her constantly going on vacation constantly because that is something that I can’t even do for even a couple days. Last week was Spring Break for most of the schools around, I put my two weeks notice in by text because she was apparently skiing in Veil.
These past few months have sent me over the edge. I’ve realized that the stress of working there is starting to affect me at home and I simply can’t continue. Knowing them on a more personal level and knowing how much the genuinely don’t care about anyone but themselves makes matters worse for me. Months ago, the wife was almost involved in an accident. A truck’s tire blew out on the highway causing the truck to rollover multiple times coming straight at them. She was able to swerve around him but because her daughter was late to a cheer competition, she drove off while everyone else stopped to render aid. I keep thinking about that more and more lately. How selfish can you be to care more about cheer leading than someone’s life? But that’s their reality. Their employees don’t matter or their patients. Even our assistants are beginning to have that mentality that their patients don’t matter and each and every one of them is a burden. I could honestly ramble on all day about this…
About two weeks ago, one of our frequent patients called and told me that she was no longer going to be a patient there because she has noticed a change in him. He refused to see her when she was experiencing a problem. She said he use to be so nice and humble. He use to genuinely care about his patients and now he’s arrogant and rude. She had more to say but after getting off the phone with her, I quickly realized that she nailed everything dead on and I almost burst into tears. It’s sad when your patients are beginning to see what I’ve seen for the past two years. A few hours later, we received business cards back from a dental office that we worked with quite a bit. He refused to seen a trauma patient from the previous week that had their front two teeth pushed up in the bone. Why did he refuse the patient? Because another oral surgeon that he does not like told the hospital to contact him because she was out of town. I’ve simply gotten to a point where I can’t handle the selfishness and the arrogance anymore.
Anyway, I got another job in general dentistry and will be starting next Monday. Change scares me so much and my anxiety has been through the roof. The pay is much better but I never have confidence in myself when it comes to trying new things. I’m always afraid of doing things wrong or not catching on fast enough. At least I feel free now, I was feeling trapped before like I had no other options.
The point of all this is that it amazes me that people like that truly do exist in this world. Their life revolves around money and ripping people off just so they can get ahead in life. Seeing that makes me want to be a better person and be there for everyone else. Why live life so bitter and full of hatred? I’ll never begin to understand that or what drives a person to become so cold-hearted. Simple things can make the biggest difference in the world to someone if you just care.
Uhh wow. I can’t believe the last time I posted anything was 2 years ago. Not that I had much posted in the first place. I use to, I promise. I had a whole blog that was nearly a daily thing and I gave up on and deleted. I regret that I did that now because it was actually doing really well but one person’s comment sent me over the edge and I just told myself I was done. Thinking back now, I don’t understand why I let one person ruin something for me. Blogging was my escape but removing myself from what I thought was a problem was always the answer. I feel like I’ve grown a bit since then and I’m able to stand my ground a bit more and defend myself. At least I hope I have!! Lol. Anyway, wow 2 years. Sooo I’ve had my second child since then. A little boy who is now 10 months old, walking and just had his first haircut today!! I feel like this time around, going from birth to a year old has flown by. With my daughter, not so much. I assume it was because I was a stay at home mom and I had nothing else to make the time go faster. I’m working now and have been for the past 2 years. I do miss being able to spend as much time with my son as I did my daughter but in all honesty I would probably lose my mind staying home all the time. Boys are so mischievous! I cannot get over how different they are. Absolutely amazes me!
Anyways, when I recreated this blog, it was designed specifically for my “artwork” and I’ve since gone on yet another years long hiatus with no thoughts of going back to it yet again. I’ve lost my time and passion for it. I honestly would love to get into photography more and capture real life’s beauty.
By the way, it took me literally about half the day and probably about 100 pictures to get these 3 decent pictures of his haircut. Getting good pictures of him is nearly impossible!
Swamp man drawing I finished up a couple days ago! I actually managed to start up an Instagram account which I’ve neglected to mention with all my work in progress photos. It might be a couple weeks before I get anything new up but if you’d like to follow me here’s the link! Don’t forget to like my facebook page! Thank you! 🙂
Just had to share. My daughter decided to break out into song randomly a little while ago about how much she wants a horse. I don’t know where she comes up with some of the things she says, crazy girl lol.